Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Life Change: Mondays in Mallorca

Two years ago I didn't know anything about Mallorca. It was just that Spanish island which was colder than Tenerife.  I've no memory of it but my parents took me on holiday to the island when I was 18 months old and it snowed! I've got a picture of me looking like a Sherpa.


As for the notorious beach resort, Magaluf, which every Brit seems to have heard of, I genuinely thought it was in Greece.

It was quite something then, to see myself in the Majorca Daily Bulletin. A whole page, no less, talking about my writing journey. 

I mean, I knew it was going to be in there, I'd had an interview with writer and photographer, Vicki Mcleod, but still... from not knowing anything about Mallorca to being in the local paper introducing my new book set on the same island, well, it felt like quite a leap! You can read the article, Growing up a Writer, on Mallorca Matters. 

Another funny thing is that before we decided to move to Mallorca I'd googled bloggers on the island. I'd come across Vicki's blog and had written to her, hungry for insight.

'I hope you're well. This is a random email from a London-based (half Spanish, half Welsh!)  blogger and author, thinking of moving to Mallorca! Do you get many of these emails?!'

She had replied that she got at least one mail like that a week. It made me laugh when I found it in my inbox. I also felt pleased, and proud, that it hadn't just ended up being another wishful thinking query; that we had actually thrown caution to the wind and moved.

As I often do, in my quest for balance and happiness, I've started a new routine. I think it might just be my best yet. Although the papers talk of 'packed beaches and gridlock', I've discovered that at 8.30 in the morning my local beach is virtually empty.  There are just some happy looking older people who walk up and down in the shallow water, gossiping together.



I walk down to the beach, with pillow marks still on my face, put my snorkel mask on and submerge myself in the cool water. I swim with the fish for half an hour. I don't try to carve out lengths, I just swim wherever I fancy. I also do what one of my characters does in The Hen Party - if I see rubbish, I'll dive for it. After that, I'll scribble in a notebook while I dry up, and then I head home to work.

The other day I landed on someone's Instagram profile and his description said: There's nothing wrong with Monday, it's your life that sucks. It definitely feels like half the world spends a lot of time dreading the coming week, which seems pretty sad!

Not everyone has been so lucky in where they were born and what choices they have as I have been. But then there are other times, when you can't even imagine that your life could be different. If you aren't happy, you could start by formulating what it is you think might make you happy.  Though I only got to know Mallorca very recently, I know this outdoor lifestyle was the one I had my heart set on since I was a little girl. 

Perhaps life change can only happen when you take a moment to visualise it. A little change to your morning routine might make a world of difference.   






Thursday, 13 July 2017

Face the Fear: Chronicles of a Learner Driver


Three weeks ago I was a nervous wreck. Far from liberating me, it seemed that driving had ruined my life. I was having waking nightmares about crashing the car. Avoiding driving was making me feel like a failure.

I had passed on my third try, after I'd dominated my so-called mad goat personality for the duration of the exam.

On my first day, I hit an Audi.

Yes, on the way back home from a successful 12 minute drive with my husband, I overshot a yield, nosing too far into a road. A car zoomed passed and I was so shocked by what felt was a near miss I didn't hear the beep of horns behind me. Because the entry was uphill, I started rolling backwards. BANG.

I burst into tears, climbed into the backseat and begged my husband to drive us home.Thankfully, there was no serious damage done and the owner of the car never called.

It shook me though and my fear levels grew to an unbearable level, so that I had this shadow hanging over me when I woke up. Every time I stalled the car, I begged my husband to take over. Luckily for me, he refused.

I knew I couldn't go on like this so I bought the book Feel the Fear and I tried to follow my friend's advice of going out every day alone, 28 days in a row. Apparently if you do something every day for 28 days, it brings it into your comfort zone. But I didn't go alone, I always drove with my husband.

"Just sit in the car," my friend said. "Get comfortable just sitting in the car."

One day, I did just that. As soon as I entered the car, I felt so tense. The atmosphere felt thick with negativity. Now my husband is a carefree kind of guy, but put him in the car and he's unrecognisable. If  he doesn't like how someone is driving, he will let them know. "I'm Latin," he tells me, "We do everything with passion!"

Well I don't care what his nationality is, all I know is that when I was feeling nervous and he reached over to hoot my horn while I was driving, I wanted to run him over right there and then! 

Car rage may be something passed down through family, because his father was exactly the same. A lovely, gentle man until he was in the driving seat. It probably has something to do with learning to drive in the Colombian capital of Bogota.

Anyway, so I went and I sat in the driver seat and I breathed in and out. I even talked to the car. I made friends with it. I realised the car was my friend, not my enemy. He's called Pierre actually. Don't ask me why. I started to take him around the block on my own. We live in a very hilly area so it wasn't the easiest block.

Gradually I drove a little further. I got the hang of the clutch. I stopped stalling so much. Going to the supermarket was a huge milestone because it involved parking. Pierre is not a small car; he's a 7 seater Grand Picasso.

Fast forward to today. Today  I drove my friends to the airport.  More importantly I drove back from the airport alone. When I missed my exit and ended up heading for Palma, I didn't panic. 



I reminded myself I'd done this before in class. There were cyclists and buses and motorbikes and I kept calm. I didn't stall once. I made it home. I turned off the car and I grinned from ear to ear.

My books says:

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.

It's so true. I'll keep going out until my hands stop clutching that steering wheel for dear life and my shoulders relax.

Face the fear. I recommend it. It'll feel so much better afterwards.






Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Fiestas of Mallorca: San Fermin Island Style



There I was in the patio of a rural finca, dressed all in white except the red handkerchief at my neck, packed in among hundreds of others dressed the same. From somewhere water was spraying wildly, soaking us through.

An overweight man appeared on the upstairs balcony, squeezed into a thick velvet matador costume. He had big yellow teeth and thick black glasses. He donned his cap at us and demonstrated a few fearless poses. 

An old hippy with grey sideburns bellowed into a loudspeaker beside him, each declaration eliciting cheers and applause.

The fiestas of San Fermin had arrived in Mallorca! It was going to be a great fiesta, a crazy fiesta and more importantly a fiesta without death! Una fiesta sin muerte! Because an increasing majority are coming to the conclusion that there's no need to torture animals to have a good time... 



Everyone screamed as the grotesque matador lit the firework - the chupinazo - to mark the beginning of the party. The throbbing, noisy crowds parted as the bulls arrived. The PLASTIC bulls. With big PLASTIC horns.

They charged. RIGHT INTO ME. I died instantaneously. And then died again a few minutes later. It was so packed, it was hard to move out of the way. Each time I couldn't help screaming as if I really was about to be mowed down. 

(The photo below was taken a few hours later when the bulls were having a last minute run around in the virtually empty back garden!)



A brass band struck up and we followed their happy rhythm across the adjoining patios. At one point they handed out sheets of lyrics and we belted our hearts out beneath some old arches. Water fights broke out, and no one minded getting wet, because it was boiling hot. In fact every time I dried, I looked for someone with a brightly coloured plastic gun and held my hands up, imploring them to shoot me.

It was packed and messy and hilarious and absurd and it made me think... With all these crazy fiestas, how can I resist setting another novel in Spain?


N.B The Fiesta takes place every July at the music venue Sa Possessio.








Thursday, 6 July 2017

Everything is Happening Perfectly - apparently!


After successfully publishing The Hen Party and seeing sales trickling in each day, I'm eager to get on with producing my fifth novel. After all, I'm an author entrepreneur now and I need to increase my stock!

I've been working on my next novel off and on for 8 months. I should have finished by now. Instead, I keep stopping and frowning and rereading and asking myself: Hang on... is this going in the right direction?

I know a couple of the characters very well by now, but I keep asking myself: are they doing enough? Is enough happening to them? I want more action. I love books that you can't put down, that you need to know what happens next. It's not enough to have well-rounded characters; there needs to be a good story too.

I've written well over the amount of words needed for a book, but they are distributed between several beginnings. 90,000 words and still not even a finished first draft. It's frustrating and very familiar. I went through this with The Hen Party. In fact I wrote a very similar post three years ago!

When this happens I get annoyed with myself. I think about all the super prolific authors out there writing multiple books a year. What's wrong with me? I think, why am I so slow?

And then I remember an affirmation in the Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway book, by Susan Jeffers.  I was reading it to cope with my fear of driving, which thankfully I'm starting to overcome, but the advice in there applies to life in general. The author concludes her book with her favourite affirmation, which is:  Everything is happening perfectly! 

She writes: "The biggest pitfall as you make your way through life is impatience. Remember that being impatient is simply a way of punishing yourself. It creates stress, dissatisfaction and fear. Whenever your Chatterbox is making you feel impatient, ask it, "What's the rush? It's all happening perfectly. Don't worry.  When I am ready to move forward I will. In the meantime, I am taking it all in and I am learning."

Sitting at my computer, fighting the afternoon drowsiness, wondering if any of those 90,000 word are going to go towards my next novel,  I tell myself Everything is happening perfectly.

To me, this means, it's okay to be stuck now because I won't always be stuck. It means I was supposed to have written all that I've written so far, even if it doesn't go into the next book. It's just part of the plan.

Everything is happening perfectly. You can't say it without feeling slightly more cheerful, slightly more optimistic about the future.  

I've just got to trust this is all part of a bigger plan. 







Wednesday, 28 June 2017

The Hen Party Blog Tour is happening with or without a jet plane!


Oh no, what a disaster! My worldwide book tour has just fallen through because my private pilot, Mr Truestory, left the lights on my private jet, Jetty McJetface, and the battery has died. We're trying to get it jump started but it doesn't look promising.

That basically means I won't be appearing in the incredible venues I had booked up for book signings - including The British Library, the Thomas Jefferson Building, Trinity College Library in Ireland, Spain's El Escorial, the Bibliotheque Nationale de France, Portugal's Biblioteca Geral, Germany's Wiblingen Monastery library, the Sydney Opera House, that little bookshop from You've Got Mail and of course, the Taj Mahal...

When I say booked, I don't mean booked booked, but they were firmly on my list. Written in pencil, but still firm.


The good news is the virtual blog tour is still going ahead. From tomorrow lovely bloggers will be sharing all things The Hen Party - with guest posts, interviews and reviews. I'll be sharing them on my Facebook Author Page.

Many thanks to the bloggers participating:


A.L Michael - 29th June
Greenacre Writers - 3rd July

Get your copy of The Hen Party here. 





Monday, 26 June 2017

Self-Publishing Stigma vs Inspiring Author Entrepreneurs


There are two main podcasts I listen to when I'm doing chores.

An inspirational and info-packed podcast with over 300 interviews with successful author entrepreneurs. It's been so influential I felt compelled to include host, Joanna Penn, in my acknowledgements for The Hen Party even though I've never met her.

Friendly host Paul Teague interviews self-published authors at different stages of their writing journeys  and also updates listeners on his own personal journey. A lot of what I hear really resonates with me.  

Yesterday my hero, Joanna Penn, tweeted a post I'd written for the Alliance of Independent Authors on Why I Swapped the Traditional Dream to Self-Publish. Half of me felt chuffed, the other half a little apprehensive that I had been outed as having self-published. Not long after the tweet, Paul Teague, host of my other favourite podcast said he had been meaning to write to me to see if I wanted to be on his show. Again, very pleased, and also slightly anxious.

The truth is I'm a hybrid author who is open to and has been published both traditionally and independently. Deciding to self-publish The Hen Party was not a second choice, as I point out in the article; it was a case of wanting to feel empowered.

The word entrepreneur has a lot of positive connotations. An entrepreneur sounds like someone who is driven, creative, has get-up and go. 


Unfortunately self-publishing entrepreneurs aren't always met with the same admiration in the writing world!

Self-publishing still has a lot of stigma - and I get why. People want the credibility of a big publisher. They assume if a big publisher didn't print it, then it can't be good. In reality, a traditional publisher might like the book but may not have space for it on their list. They may well have a similar author writing in the same genre. 

I didn't wait until the very end to find out if a publisher wanted my book. It takes months and months for replies and the first so-called 'rave rejections' convinced me the novel was good enough for public consumption. They went like this:  

Rejection 1: Emily’s novel is so much fun and full of heart. Kate in particular stood out as an interesting and well-rounded character and I think the author does a terrific job of moving the story along at just the right pace and making sure all the different storylines don’t become too confused.'

Reason: Bad timing. Publisher already has three writers in similar genre.

Rejection 2: 'I really liked the writing and I think Emily is definitely a very interesting author with bags of potential.' 

Reason: Not sure about theme. Reality TV isn't as popular as before.

Rejection 3:'I really, really enjoyed reading it. It’s just so much fun! And Emily’s voice is fab – light but shrewd, I absolutely raced through this.'

Reason: not sure about Kate (see first rejection reason - if anything, it proves how subjective it all is.)

The book took me over a year with two massive edits so I wasn't going to just discard it because three people liked it but weren't sure they'd be able to sell it. I didn't just hit publish once I'd made up my mind. It was important to me that it would be produced with the same care as a traditionally published book.

Next, it went through a professional editor. After that, a proof reader. Self-publishing can sound like: I wrote a book, my mummy liked it, so I printed it out! But though this might be the case for some people, it certainly isn't my take on independent publishing. 

For me, it's about being proactive about your career, treating it like a business and taking the wishful thinking out of it.  It's about taking creative control of your project, getting fair royalties and being able to adjust prices and book covers if at first it doesn't succeed. 

Perhaps knowing The Hen Party has been produced independently will put you off buying it, but I hope not. If it helps, I've been published traditionally three times, and if anything my writing should be getting better. Personally, I'm proud of the book and thrilled with the reviews starting to come in. I've been told it's my best book yet... but I'll let you be the judge of that!    





Friday, 23 June 2017

San Juan - the day health and safety inspectors cry themselves to sleep


One of the best things about Spain is the way they've maintained so many traditions and the huge quantities of festivities there are. You could spend a year hopping from one town to another chasing fiestas if you wanted to. Perhaps I should do that and write a book about it - except I'm a bit of a lightweight and I can't cope with two late nights in a row.

By late, I mean reaaaaally late. You've got to calculate the time as if it were the time plus three hours. So if you get home at 3am, that's really only like getting home at midnight in Spain.


Today is San Juan, which means tonight we'll be celebrating La Nit de Foc - the night of fire. Tonight is the night safe and healthy officers give each other a look as if to say 'why do we even bother?

In Palma, it will start in front of the cathedral with ominous drum beats that will set your pulse racing. Then devils will appear wielding tridents with spinning fireworks at the end of them. Sparks will fly, smoke will fill your nostril, the bang of firecrackers will ripple through your body and you will retreat screaming. You will then probably creep forward again, because it's so mesmerising you won't be able to stay away.


After an hour of all hell breaking loose, the devils will depart... to rejoin their families probably for a barbeque and a beer. Everyone will head down to the beaches and prance around flaming bonfires. There will be no supervision and no massive barriers in front of the fires like there is in public displays for Guy Fawkes in the UK.

There are rituals - like scribbling your deepest wish on a piece of paper and throwing it into the fire so that it comes true. Or jumping over it three times. In reality, the most common ritual is drinking too much, swimming in the dark and making a mess of Mallorca's beaches. I'm intending to go equipped with black bags and be a conscientious San Juan party goer!

So there you have it. If you happen to be in Mallorca tonight - or Spain in general: Do not be afraid. It is not the apocalypse - it's only San Juan. 

I'm seriously thinking about including some mad fiestas in my next novel...