I've always been a big list maker. A goal setter. More enthusiastic about my New Year's resolutions than the big party. One of my most memorable New Year's was when I stayed in to finish writing a short story. It was the first story I ever got selected for a reading at Waterstones Book Shop in London. It felt like a huge reward at the time for the sacrifice I'd made.
Today I thought I might be pregnant. At five in the morning I took a test with my heart in my throat. What better way to start the new year? I thought excitedly. My mind raced ahead, wondering who I would tell first and how long I would wait until I told them.
As I waited for the result, there was a power cut and I couldn't see the strip. If this was a film, I thought, the lights would come on and I would see the positive line. Then I would scream. Or maybe I wouldn't. I would slip back into bed and casually whisper to my husband, So, how do you fancy being a Daddy?
The lights went back on. The test was negative. My life isn't a film.
Today as I contemplated writing a blog post, I thought to myself: What's the point of making a list of goals when I have no control over what matters?
But I don't think that's entirely true. We may not have control over everything, but we can choose how we react to events in our life. Today I felt very tempted to succumb to my melancholy and hide under my bed covers. Instead I found a podcast on staying positive when trying to conceive and hoovered my bedroom. Next I'm going to scribble the serenity prayer above my desk.
I don't believe in making impossible resolutions. I'm not someone who decides in January that they are going to go the gym every day from now on. If you didn't go to the gym before, why are you going to go every day? There must have been a reason you didn't go before. Maybe you hate the gym. Fair enough. Perhaps you should choose another way of exercising, like a dance class or martial arts.
Goals should be achievable. So here are mine:
1. Pass my driving exam
2. Finish rewriting my book The Hen Party
3. Try doing yoga once a week to restore balance in my body!
4. Meditate every day (achievable because I already do this most days!)
5. Get involved with the charity that organises beach clean ups
6. Visit my family more, keep in touch with my friends and surround myself with people who nourish me
7. Write a brand new book
and of course,
8. Keep writing blogs (because it feels so good to share.)
Thanks to everyone for reading my blog this year and for all the supportive comments across my social networks. It means so much!
For more regular posts, you can find me on Facebook/EmilyBenetAuthor